Suggested Feelings & Needs Beneath Evaluative Words Frequently Confused with Emotions
(What you think others are doing TO you)
These feelings and needs are suggestions only: this listing is neither complete nor definitive. It is intended as an aid to translating words, which are often confused with feelings. These words imply that someone is doing something to you and generally connote wrongness or blame. To use this list: when somebody says “I’m feeling rejected,” we might empathically translate this as: “Are you feeling scared because you have a need for inclusion?”
– Wisconsin International Intensive Training Participants, April 2000. – Edited by Susan Skye
| Evaluative Word | Primary Feeling (s) | Underlying Need (s) |
| Abandoned | Terrified, hurt, bewildered, sad, frightened, lonely | Nurturing, connection, belonging, support, caring |
| Abused | Angry, frustrated, frightened | Caring, nurturing, support, emotional or physical wellbeing, consideration. Need for all living things to flourish. |
| (Not) accepted | Upset, scared, lonely | Inclusion, connection, community, belonging, contribution, peer respect. |
| Attacked | Scared, angry | Safety |
| Belittled | Angry, frustrated, tense, distressed | Respect, autonomy, to be seen, to be visible, acknowledgment, appreciation. |
| Betrayed | Angry, hurt, disappointed, enraged | Trust, dependability, honesty, honour, commitment, clarity. |
| Blamed | Angry, scared, confused, antagonistic, hostile, bewildered, hurt | Accountability, causality, fairness, justice. |
| Bullied | Angry, scared, pressured | Autonomy, choice, safety, consideration |
| Caged/trapped/ boxed in | Angry, thwarted, scared, anxious | Autonomy, choice, freedom |
| Cheated | Hurt, angry | Honesty, fairness, justice, tryst reliability |
| Coerced | Frustrated, frightened, thwarted, scared | Choice, autonomy, freedom. Act freely, choose freely |
| Cornered | Scared, anxious, thwarted | Autonomy, freedom |
| Criticised | In pain, scared, anxious, frustrated, humiliated, embarrassed | Understanding, acknowledgment, recognition, respect |
| Discounted / diminished | Hurt, angry, embarrassed, frustrated | Need to matter, acknowledgment, inclusions, recognition, respect |
| Disliked | Sad, lonely, hurt, anxious | Connection, appreciation, understanding, acknowledgment, friendship, inclusion |
| Distrusted | Sad, frustrated | Trust, honesty |
| Dumped on | Angry, overwhelmed | Respect, consideration, peace |
| Excluded | Sad, lonely, anxious | Inclusion, belonging, community, connection |
| Harassed | Angry, frustrated, frightened, anxious | Respect, space. Consideration, peace |
| Hassled | Irritated, distressed, angry, frustrated | Serenity, autonomy, do things at my own pace and in my own way, calm, space |
| Ignored | Lonely, scared, hurt, sad, embarrassed | Connection, belonging, inclusion, community, participation, communication, to be heard |
| Insulted | Embarrassed, angry | Respect, consideration, acknowledgment, recognition |
| Interrupted | Frustrated, hurt | Respect, consideration, to be heard |
| Intimidated | Anxious, scared | Safety, equality, empowerment |
| Invalidated | Hurt, frustrated, angry | Appreciation, respect, acknowledgment, recognition |
| Invisible | Sad, lonely, scared | To be seen and heard, inclusion, belonging, community |
| Left out | Sad, lonely, anxious | Inclusion, belonging, community, connection |
| Let down | Disappointed, frightened, sad | Consistency, trust, support, dependability |
| Manipulated | Scared, powerless, frustrated, thwarted | Autonomy, empowerment, trust, equality,freedom, free choice, connection, genuineness |
| Marginalised | Frustrated, sad, lonely, distressed | Inclusion, belonging, community, connection |
| Mistrusted | Sad, disappointed | Trust |
| Misunderstood | Frustrated, upset | To be heard, understanding, clarity |
| Neglected | Lonely, scared, anxious | Connection, inclusion, participation, community, care, mattering, consideration |
| Overpowered | Helpless, confused, anxious | Equality, justice, autonomy, freedom |
| Overworked | Tired, frustrated, exhausted | Respect, consideration, rest, caring |
| Patronised | Frustrated, annoyed, stressed | Recognition, equality, equity, respect, mutuality |
| Pressured | Anxious, overwhelmed | Relaxation, clarity, space, consideration |
| Provoked | Frustrated, angry | Respect, consideration |
| Put down | Embarrassed, sad, annoyed | Respect, acknowledgment, understanding |
| Rejected | Hurt, scared, sad, disappointed | Belonging, inclusion, closeness, to be seen, acknowledgment, trust |
| Ripped off/screwed | Disappointment, anger | Consideration, justice, fairness, acknowledgment, recognition, consideration |
| Smothered/suffocated | Frustrated, fear, desperation | Space, freedom, autonomy, authenticity, self, expression |
| Taken for granted | Sad, hurt, angry, disappointed | Appreciation, acknowledgment, recognition, consideration |
| Threatened | Scared, frightened, alarmed, agitated, anxious | Safety, autonomy |
| Trampled | Frustrated, overwhelmed | Empowerment, connection, community, being seen, consideration, equality, equity, respect, acknowledgment |
| Tricked | Embarrassed, resentful | Integrity, trust, honesty |
| Unappreciated | Sad, hurt, frustrated | Appreciation, respect, acknowledgment, consideration |
| Unheard | Sad, frustrated | Understanding, consideration, empathy |
| Unloved | Bewildered, sad, frustrated | Love, appreciation, empathy, connection, community |
| Unseen | Sad, anxious, frustrated | Acknowledgment, appreciation, be heard |
| Unsupported | Sad, hurt | Support, understanding, cooperation |
| Unwanted | Sad, anxious, frustrated | Belonging, inclusion, caring |
| Used | Sad, angry, resentful | Autonomy, equality, consideration, mutuality |
| Victimised | Frightened, helpless | Empowerment, mutuality, safety, justice |
| Violated | Sad, agitated, anxiety | Privacy, safety, trust, space, respect |
| Wronged | Hurt, irritated, resentful | Respect, justice, trust, safety, fairness |
Notes: