Faux (Foe) Feelings

Suggested Feelings & Needs Beneath Evaluative Words Frequently Confused with Emotions

(What you think others are doing TO you)

These feelings and needs are suggestions only: this listing is neither complete nor definitive. It is intended as an aid to translating words, which are often confused with feelings. These words imply that someone is doing something to you and generally connote wrongness or blame. To use this list: when somebody says “I’m feeling rejected,” we might empathically translate this as: “Are you feeling scared because you have a need for inclusion?”

Wisconsin International Intensive Training Participants, April 2000. Edited by Susan Skye

Evaluative Word Primary Feeling (s) Underlying Need (s)
Abandoned Terrified, hurt, bewildered, sad, frightened, lonely Nurturing, connection, belonging, support, caring
Abused Angry, frustrated, frightened Caring, nurturing, support, emotional or physical wellbeing, consideration. Need for all living things to flourish.
(Not) accepted Upset, scared, lonely Inclusion, connection, community, belonging, contribution, peer respect.
Attacked Scared, angry Safety
Belittled Angry, frustrated, tense, distressed Respect, autonomy, to be seen, to be visible, acknowledgment, appreciation.
Betrayed Angry, hurt, disappointed, enraged Trust, dependability, honesty, honour, commitment, clarity.
Blamed Angry, scared, confused, antagonistic, hostile, bewildered, hurt Accountability, causality, fairness, justice.
Bullied Angry, scared, pressured Autonomy, choice, safety, consideration
Caged/trapped/ boxed in Angry, thwarted, scared, anxious Autonomy, choice, freedom
Cheated Hurt, angry Honesty, fairness, justice, tryst reliability
Coerced Frustrated, frightened, thwarted, scared Choice, autonomy, freedom. Act freely, choose freely
Cornered Scared, anxious, thwarted Autonomy, freedom
Criticised In pain, scared, anxious, frustrated, humiliated, embarrassed Understanding, acknowledgment, recognition, respect
Discounted / diminished Hurt, angry, embarrassed, frustrated Need to matter, acknowledgment, inclusions, recognition, respect
Disliked Sad, lonely, hurt, anxious Connection, appreciation, understanding, acknowledgment, friendship, inclusion
Distrusted Sad, frustrated Trust, honesty
Dumped on Angry, overwhelmed Respect, consideration, peace
Excluded Sad, lonely, anxious Inclusion, belonging, community, connection
Harassed Angry, frustrated, frightened, anxious Respect, space. Consideration, peace
Hassled Irritated, distressed, angry, frustrated Serenity, autonomy, do things at my own pace and in my own way, calm, space
Ignored Lonely, scared, hurt, sad, embarrassed Connection, belonging, inclusion, community, participation, communication, to be heard
Insulted Embarrassed, angry Respect, consideration, acknowledgment, recognition
Interrupted Frustrated, hurt Respect, consideration, to be heard
Intimidated Anxious, scared Safety, equality, empowerment
Invalidated Hurt, frustrated, angry Appreciation, respect, acknowledgment, recognition
Invisible Sad, lonely, scared To be seen and heard, inclusion, belonging, community
Left out Sad, lonely, anxious Inclusion, belonging, community, connection
Let down Disappointed, frightened, sad Consistency, trust, support, dependability
Manipulated Scared, powerless, frustrated, thwarted Autonomy, empowerment, trust, equality,freedom, free choice, connection, genuineness
Marginalised Frustrated, sad, lonely, distressed Inclusion, belonging, community, connection
Mistrusted Sad, disappointed Trust
Misunderstood Frustrated, upset To be heard, understanding, clarity
Neglected Lonely, scared, anxious Connection, inclusion, participation, community, care, mattering, consideration
Overpowered Helpless, confused, anxious Equality, justice, autonomy, freedom
Overworked Tired, frustrated, exhausted Respect, consideration, rest, caring
Patronised Frustrated, annoyed, stressed Recognition, equality, equity, respect, mutuality
Pressured Anxious, overwhelmed Relaxation, clarity, space, consideration
Provoked Frustrated, angry Respect, consideration
Put down Embarrassed, sad, annoyed Respect, acknowledgment, understanding
Rejected Hurt, scared, sad, disappointed Belonging, inclusion, closeness, to be seen, acknowledgment, trust
Ripped off/screwed Disappointment, anger Consideration, justice, fairness, acknowledgment, recognition, consideration
Smothered/suffocated Frustrated, fear, desperation Space, freedom, autonomy, authenticity, self, expression
Taken for granted Sad, hurt, angry, disappointed Appreciation, acknowledgment, recognition, consideration
Threatened Scared, frightened, alarmed, agitated, anxious Safety, autonomy
Trampled Frustrated, overwhelmed Empowerment, connection, community, being seen, consideration, equality, equity, respect, acknowledgment
Tricked Embarrassed, resentful Integrity, trust, honesty
Unappreciated Sad, hurt, frustrated Appreciation, respect, acknowledgment, consideration
Unheard Sad, frustrated Understanding, consideration, empathy
Unloved Bewildered, sad, frustrated Love, appreciation, empathy, connection, community
Unseen Sad, anxious, frustrated Acknowledgment, appreciation, be heard
Unsupported Sad, hurt Support, understanding, cooperation
Unwanted Sad, anxious, frustrated Belonging, inclusion, caring
Used Sad, angry, resentful Autonomy, equality, consideration, mutuality
Victimised Frightened, helpless Empowerment, mutuality, safety, justice
Violated Sad, agitated, anxiety Privacy, safety, trust, space, respect
Wronged Hurt, irritated, resentful Respect, justice, trust, safety, fairness