Making guess for the other person

Make sure you’ve done this process for yourself FIRST (click here to do that), before doing it for the other person. You simply CANNOT have empathy for another person if you’re in pain yourself, or if you’re in strong judgement. Don’t try to give empathy from hell!!

More info: why do we bother making guesses about the other person?

    What might the situation look like from their perspective?

    Just as a camera would see it - not with all their stories around it.

    What might they be feeling?

    You can't know for sure, of course, but have a look through the lists and makes guesses about how they might be feeling in this situation. As before, make sure you read all the way through the lists, not just stopping when you find the first feeling that fits. We want to uncover all of them. It's the ones that surprise us that hold all the power. (See here for more info)


    What might be going on in their body?

    Any others?

    Feelings when their needs are met

    Feelings when their needs are not met ...

    What thoughts come up for you, as you look wonder about their feelings?

    What might they be needing?

    Again, read all the way through the list to consider ALL their possible needs that are relevant to this situation. (See here for more info)

    What thoughts come up for you, as you look wonder about their needs? What do you think is their loudest need here?

    Get to know THEIR need(s)

    Ultimately, we all have the same needs, but different people may have each with different intensities. Some people may crave safety, and others may prioritize freedom. It can be hard to relate to someone else's feelings and needs when they don't match your own experiences. Try to keep in mind, however, that the intensity they have around their own core needs, is probably exactly the same as what comes up for you around yours.

    What might they be wanting

    Do you have a sense of what they might like, in order to meet those needs? (These may have nothing to do with you, OR they may be things you could contribute to.)

    What would you like for the subject of the email (so that you can find it again!)

    (If you can't click on this, make sure you've checked the "Email me" box above)