Process anything that’s going on for you, whether it’s purely within yourself, or something that’s happening between you and other people. (Click on the headers to open or close each section.)
What is this?
This tool is based on the 4 step process of nonviolent (aka authentic or compassionate) communication (NVC) – Observation, Feelings, Needs, Request (OFNR). You don’t need to know NVC to use it though. Each section has links to additional information that you may like to read as you go.
Before you start …
If you’ve come to use this tool, you’re most likely wanting resolution to some situation. There’s probably a lot you think you want right now – fixing, answers, change etc – and I guarantee you that 99% of the time what you’re really needing FIRST is self connection. Using this tool will help you figure out the deepest longings of your heart that are really driving what’s going on it you, and you may notice your whole body relax into that knowing. And once you have that self connection and clarity, how to move forward becomes much clearer.
So slow down, and take the time to really feel into these questions. Finding that self-connection will move you into a whole different space, where you are more resilient, more creative, more able to move forward.
Marshall Rosenberg, creator of NVC, loved to say that when we uncover the needs, the solutions find us.
Choose a specific incident to work on
If you can, choose a specific incident to work on, rather than a general idea. For example, instead of “My mother annoys me”, find a specific moment in which she annoyed you, like “I rang my mother and she talked for 2 hours without once asking about me”.
Filling in each field in the tool below will help, but all are optional.
Click on each of the headers to open the “accordion”. Close it again to see a summary of your selections.
You can email it to yourself at the end – it is completely private – no-one else will see it, as it’s not stored anywhere, nor is it sent to anyone except you.