Process anything that’s going on for you, whether it’s purely within yourself, or something that’s happening between you and other people.
What is this?
This tool is based on the 4 step process of nonviolent (aka authentic or compassionate) communication (NVC) – Observation, Feelings, Needs, Request (OFNR). You don’t need to know NVC to use it though. Most sections in the tool include links to additional information that you may like to read as you go.
Before you start …
If you’ve come to use this tool, you’re most likely wanting some resolution to some situation. There’s probably a lot you think you want right now – fixing, answers, change etc – and I guarantee you that 99% of the time what you’re really needing FIRST is self connection. You’ll know what I mean by that when (by using this tool) you figure out the needs that are really driving what’s going on it you, and you feel your whole body relax into that knowing.
So slow down, and take the time to really feel into these questions. Finding that self-connection will move you into a whole different space, where you are more resilient, more creative, more able to move forward.
Marshall Rosenberg, creator of NVC, loved to say that when we uncover the needs, the solutions find us.
- If you can, choose a specific incident to work on, rather than a general idea. For example, instead of “My mother annoys me”, find a specific moment in which she annoyed you, like “I rang my mother and she talked for 2 hours without once asking about me”.
- Filling in each field in the tool below will help, but all are optional.
- Click on each of the headers to open the “accordion”. Close it again to see a summary of your selections.
- You can email it to yourself at the end – no-one else will see it, as it’s not stored anywhere, nor is it sent to anyone except you.