– are you trying to connect, or to fix? (let go of the outcome). Intention is ALWAYS to connect. (Don’t panic, the “fix” will be clear to you once you have really connected.)
– are you focusing on how it feels to have the need met, or the fact that it’s not being met? (just sit with the beauty of the need, think about how precious it is to you, how important, how beautiful it is when that need is met. Get in touch with the core need, and the strategies find us.)
– are you jumping to strategies too quickly? Spend more time exploring the feelings and needs, until you feel a physical shift.
– are you able to begin to empathise with the other person? If not, you need more self-empathy
– are you finding giving empathy exhausting or frustrating? Don’t give empathy from hell. Self-empathy first! Don’t be nice be real.
– getting a negative response? (“don’t pull that NVC crap on me!”) – do it silently – understand they’re probably needing authenticity and trust
– finding it hard to name feelings and needs? Make it a daily practice to do a written OFNR exercise, using the lists, to get more familiar with them.
Easier to practice on strangers; hardest (but most rewarding!) with those closest to us (ingrained patterns of behaviour)