I have a theory that there are two kinds of feelings. We have an initial feeling, which is our response to a need being met or not met. And then we start telling ourselves a story about what happened (eg “He was manipulating me!”, “She was being SO rude!”) which generates a whole heap more feelings, such as self-righteousness, hopelessness or anxiety, and these “thought feelings” much less productive to work with. What I’ve found in my own experience is that if I can capture that initial feeling, I can get to a sense of peace and clarity much more easily. These “thought feelings” often come from some kind of past trauma.